Wednesday, 10 July 2013

09 July- Anxiety Girl : story of my life.

worrying stress Psalm46:10
source
I've always been a worrier... there seem to be a lot of us? Many of my earliest memories involve worrying. I'd stress over forgetting my homework book, I'd cry when I couldn't understand a word-problem in maths (I still don't get them...), I'd have knots in my stomach on the morning of civvies day in case it actually wasn't civvies day and I was the only one not wearing a uniform (Come on, I'm sure lots of you can say you were like this?!). I'd invent the most dreadful consequences for simple concerns. Mum could always tell that I was nervous because I'd fidget with my fingers... I can even see it in some photos! (although I think sometimes it was excitement)
(do I use brackets for parentheses too much?)

Anyway, so while planning for our wedding I learnt some lessons about worrying - basically how pointless it is. It was really easy to fixate on the magazines and how they were always sure to emphasise that this is the BIGGEST most IMPORTANT day of my life that I'd ALWAYS dreamed about, and that if anything were to go wrong it would dash my childhood dreams and woe would come upon me. They were wrong - it was the most blessed and special day to marry Malcolm and the thought and effort that went into it by so many special people made me the happiest girl in the world. I learnt so much about how so much is out of my hands and I think I learned to handle it pretty well (most of the time!).

Then there was getting ready for Germany. My to-do-list never ended, and there's still stuff on it to complete before going to Marburg. But again, there was so much that was out of my control and I really just needed to be logical and not jump to the worst conclusion. I did my best, and eventually we arrived in Frankfurt with nobody putting us back on a plane to South Africa to go back to an empty flat and no work. La Honte! 

So I though I was doing pretty well in this department, but then we booked for Paris. Oh la la! I was SO excited! For about 2 minutes... then I read our confirmation email properly. We'd used Mal's dad's credit card to pay (because they're holding onto some rands for us, waiting for the exchange rate to improve in our favour) and we'd filled in our names as the passengers. But, when I read the tickets, all the names on them were A.Bartlett. Kick in anxiety! We can't exchange the tickets, we going to arrive there on the morning and get turned away, we're going to have paid for our accommodation, excited for nothing... life will end, non? 
I immediately emailed customer services to find out if it's a problem  - on a Friday night, so they wouldn't see it til Monday. I prayed and tried to forget about it, while now also stressing that Mal's resident permit wouldn't be done in time and he wouldn't be allowed in. Yesterday I heard from Thalys that the names aren't a problem, and today Malcolm is handing in his permit application forms. Our hotel is booked. All is well in my world.

When will I ever learn and just kill this thing?!? Practical advice?

He says be still and know that I am God, I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth, anxiety

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